“I have to go; I’m meeting Dave in a few.” “Kay, bye bae, say hello to that hunk o’ yours.” She winks, I laugh. He is a hunk, I’m not bragging. That was Coco, my girlfriend, and this is me leaving school headed to meet my man… well at least one of them.

Hello, I’m Cass;no it’s not short for Cassandra, just Cass. I’m that tall, not light skinned, not dark skinned, almost the colour of that Palmer’s cocoa butter lotion. Short hair. Slender. Beautiful. I’ve been trying to get my esteem higher through those exercises when you tell yourself how
pretty you are, and all other awesome things about yourself inclusive. Long story short, I’m one of those with some measure of esteem issues and are to a large extent self-conscious about all things to do with their appearance.

I sit by the window and the seat next to me is occupied by an elderly man. He says hi to me in Swahili and I return the greetings. I can tell he’s one of the chatty types, ‘Sigh. It’s going to be a long journey.’ Sometimes I wonder what prompts these type of people to tell you what it is they’re thinking; is it that they don’t know that you’re thinking about your own issues and sometimes, almost never, about your blessings? Just then he begins a tale of how he’s just experienced with some service provider out there. I’m preoccupied by my thoughts.

Dave; man that I really love very deeply, almost completely. Been together for quite some time now. He’s just one of those people who when you’re with you just keep smiling and laughing and smiling and laughing… it just keeps going on. Once we met, we knew ours would be a hot romance. Somewhere along the way I guess we just fell in love; only that there’s Alex and Jay. Before you’re quick to judge me, this is how it is; Alex is this amazing being I met even before Dave and I met, we’ve been dating since forever. Thing is it’s a long distance relationship; we’re in the same country, two different towns, not so far apart, but we never have time to see each other, hence, long distance. We only talk over the phone like every other day. Jay, he’s from my school, a year ahead of me, and the one whom my schoolmates recognise as Cass’s man. Coco, knows about Dave, but she thinks we already broke up. So… technically I am the only one who knows about my 3 affairs.

No, I do not take these three very awesome men for granted. It’s not like I enjoy this. With Alex, I just don’t know how to tell him we can’t be together, and for what reason would I do that? We literally never see each other! Jay; oh sweet Jay; I can’t bear breaking his heart, he’s one of the best people I have ever met. Dave; no, no way, I’m not leaving him. I would be broken by that; no way am I doing that. So you see, my sympathy towards these guys and myself, my lack of assertiveness and just me wanting to know what it would feel like to be with these different guys has put me in a situation that I rather not be in. How do I break up with these two and remain with Dave? I should just wait for Alex to leave for Canada to study and I’ll tell him we can’t maintain this relationship that long a distance. Jay? I just have to suck in some air and tell him that… that… that what? Should I lie to him that I cheated? Though it won’t be a lie.

I’m alighting and the elderly man says to me, “God bless you child.” Gosh, I’d completely forgotten that he was there. I smile back at him and say my thanks. As I walk towards a broadly smiling Dave, I push aside thoughts of Alex and Jay, but I can’t help feel a pinch when he hugs me tight and says, “Hey boo, I got you a lil sumn’,” and holds up a tiny package.

‘Later, not now guilt, we’ll talk about this later.’

Dave had got me a silver necklace; we walk away hand in hand…

Image: Courtesy of adernalinne_junkie

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