By Joseph Ngugi
Dating has in the modern day and age become a game. A game of thrones: a game characterized by who holds more power and consequently who holds the reigns in the relationship. The concept of power in these relationships is determined by who cares more or less. The more you care, the less power you have and the more power you give. It’s all about who cares more and who can show it less.
Everything you do, every play you make is seen as a move to conquering the seven kingdoms or giving someone else the iron throne. It’s all about strategy and mind fucking games with each other. Using our devices for communication to simply confuse each other more and communicate nothing clearly at all. You are alone together but no one is making the move. You both know you feel something but nothing…Each waiting for the other to make the move but whoever does that first, suddenly loses power. Blue ticking each other because texting back too fast might be misconstrued to mean you care too much even though you’ve been longing to hear from them all week.
So we are technologically more connected than ever but more emotionally disconnected because society has it in us that caring isn’t cool. We are now becoming suddenly turned off by someone who’s straight forward interested in us and fall for the other one who keeps us guessing and second guessing; thrilled more by the chase than the satisfaction of the catch. We want to be in a relationship and want to see someone but we are uptight and busy acting as if being single is the new cool while we all know we feel a sense of loneliness. In so doing, we are missing out on the vital connection that everyone needs in their life which is an emotional connection with someone we would like to date, an anchor in our life.
But no one wants the titles and labels anymore. We all want to keep our options open. We all want get laid but no one cares about love or an actual connection. We prefer one night stands with strangers instead of getting to know them. We all want someone but are so fucking afraid to do anything about it. We are never satisfied and are constantly looking for the next best thing. We have become subscribers to friends with benefits arrangements at the expense of actual relationships because sex comes without responsibilities or commitments.
How this absurd trend started or how it will stop is something am yet to discover. Personally, I’m a great fan of game of thrones, not this charade we now call relationships, but the television series and I can’t help but draw a correlation between our relationships today and that of the great Khal Drogo and Daenerys Targaryen the mother of dragons. Theirs can’t even be termed a relationship but an arrangement characterized by the power plays I’m talking about here. The less you care, the more power you are perceived to hold. Make the other person become emotionally invested in you and the manipulation starts.
In my understanding, I might decide to give people the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe people are just trying to protect themselves from rejection and heartbreaks which is mostly the case in these ‘relationships’. However, in believing that we should always maintain a position of power with our partners, we are losing the whole essence of relationships or in extension, love.
In my opinion: ‘power’ in relationships is just an illusion, another phase of your inflated ego and when you love or get into a relationship with your ego and not your heart, you are bound to LOSE.
I do not want to look back on my love life and remember the moments I felt powerful. They are not worth of my or your remembrance. If anything, I want to miss the moments of vulnerability the most. I want to miss the moments I felt powerless, the moments when my only defense was the thought that she loved me and would never do anything to hurt me. That our relationship meant something more important than anything that may come between us and she would never do anything to jeopardize that.
I want to remember the times I opened up, the nights I poured my heart out and let out my insecurities and vulnerabilities to the world. Vulnerable and weak like Niklaus Mikaelson son during the full moon before the curse was lifted in the vampire diaries; or as weak and helpless as Sansa Stark under Ramsay Bolton in GOT. I want to remember the moments when I made someone feel loved and the moments I felt loved. I want to remember the moments when loved healed when nothing else could.
I want to text her whenever I feel like. I want to like whatever I want on social media without fear of repercussions. I want to send her pictures (not nudes) and memes whenever I think of her. I want I want I want and you should too…
I no longer want to play this game…